i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
