is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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