Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize