Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
no, he came in my armpit
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
