I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
