I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
