I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
