***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
