I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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