you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Is it penis luge time yet?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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