so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
