I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize