Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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