theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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