I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
