I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
