final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
