ya dads aren't the best wingmen
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
