she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
