man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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