we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize