this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
