Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
If I die, sorry about rent.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
