I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
