we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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