By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
