i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize