i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just want to make out with him forever
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
