i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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