My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
