You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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