if you like me you must not know who I am
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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