He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I have tasted many bathrooms
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
