On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
