Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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