i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
