The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
