What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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