Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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