it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize