Kareoke will never be a sober sport
My liver just broke up with me...
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Randomize
