i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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