I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
