is your mom at the bar?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize