Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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