Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
