remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
