You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
