he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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