i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
