Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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