I could make wine with my vomit
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
