I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
