Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
