just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
