dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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