Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
