worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
