I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Houston, we have a squirter
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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