You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Randomize
