Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
