I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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