He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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