this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize