Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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