How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
