dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
