Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
