So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
