If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Success! We fucked roommates!
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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