i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
