New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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