Banned from zoo.
Again?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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