ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
