Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
